My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize