eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
