i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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