My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
