Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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