I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
