my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
