I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
