what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize