It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
