I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
