Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
