SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
