I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
