He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
