I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
