Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
