everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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