how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just found puke in my bra..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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