Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
