So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
