I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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