just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We had sex on a dog bed..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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