Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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