wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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