I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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