i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
