My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
