So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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