the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
