No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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