I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So much Jack, so little girl.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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