You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
