I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I checked into jail on foursquare
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize