I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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