can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
