I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
