Are we in a gay sports bar?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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