there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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