Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
