she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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