FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
