Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
