Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
