Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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