He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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