So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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