dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
