Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
