What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I have post one night stand depression
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