He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
