im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bang-toberfest begins!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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