Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
