it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
did you just send me my own nude
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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