Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
