My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
