There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
