The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
