i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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