I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
