Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You can't special order awesome
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
