just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
