I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why do cheetos always look like penises
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
