ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
