She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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