hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were trust falling into bushes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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